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Mental health problems apparently affect 1 in 4 people each year - and I think anyone with a brain is vulnerable to developing some kind of mental health issue in their lifetime. Some people will happily seek help, and for others, the whole process is like trying to nail fog to a wall. There is no right or wrong of course. However, I understand why people might be confused about how to seek therapy, or reluctant to seek therapy! Whether you want help or not, finding the right therapy and the right therapist can be difficult. 

So, is everyone depressed now? Does everyone need therapy?

The perception of mental health problems have rapidly changed lately. As little as 15 years ago, therapy was not as widely available or talked about as it is now.  I often hear things like, “everyone is depressed now”, or “everyone needs therapy”. I have a different view. Clinical terminology has become more widely used: ‘therapist-speak’ has become mainstream. 

For example, 

• the Auntie who “suffers with her nerves”, and is up the wall about everything, we now say has “anxiety”, or, Generalised Anxiety Disorder; 

• the self-obsessed colleague, who irritates you with their boasting, we now say is a Narcissist, or has Narcissistic Personality Disorder; 

• the grumpy neighbour, who ignores you but you hear yelling of an evening, we now say has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  

Sure, we can more accurately name the clinical diagnosis based on what we’ve learned from the internet, but the missing part in the discussion, of course, is the clinical skill and functional understanding of the mental health problem. In the therapy room I’ve witnessed how these mental health terms are still a little mysterious, over the top, or even terrifying, to a person who is unfamiliar or intimidated by these terms, resulting in fear, confusion, shame, or even refusal to think about their mental health at all. These words were developed, in part, to help researchers and clinicians have a shared understanding of how to treat a problem. Much like any industry has specific terminology and a shared language amongst the people who work in it.

You don’t have to use these words. In therapy, I don’t mind what terms we use, as long as I understand what your problem is - of course I’ll explain what I mean when I say certain things and I’ll myth-bust the mis-use of clinical terms, any time.  

We live in the information age, and not all online advice is good

You probably know that already. Like many therapists, sometimes I see things online or on TV, and cringe with how clumsy, misinterpreted, or frankly wrong they are. Never mind how the authoritarian manner in which they’re delivered. This is absolutely not to say someone's lived experience is up for discussion - certainly not. But Psychology and Clinical Mental Health Services are complex fields of information, and sometimes there is more to something than there initially seems. In my training, my heart has been in my mouth being taught certain interventions, until I understand the science behind it and how it significantly helps people: and of course, I’ve then seen the magic happen myself. A good therapist should be able to help you understand why they’re doing what they’re doing, and why the scientific research backs up why this will help you - one of my most often used phrases is “let me explain why I’m saying this…”, because I want you to feel confident and like you have a choice in why the idea could help you. 

Information overload, modality paralysis 

With the information age, we have more options with therapy too. There are so many different modalities out there, similar in ways and wildly different in others. Part of my job was once supporting people to find the right treatment. One of the questions I was always asked was which is the right therapy for the problem. I think the truth is there is no single type of therapy that is the right one for all mental health problems, it really depends on what you’re looking for and hoping to achieve. However, there are recommendations based on research, which also shows the wrong type of therapy can exacerbate the problem rather than help. A colleague of mine used to repeat, “any therapy doesn’t mean it’s good therapy for you” - I endorse this.  I also believe ‘therapy-fatigue’ is very real - either trying to many different types of therapy with no success, or being in the wrong type of therapy too long and seeing little progress.  

Good therapists are able to explain what their therapy does and how helps, and even recommend another therapy type if theirs won’t cover everything you’re looking for.  As a rule of thumb, you should expect to see some kind of benefit, even if very small, within 3 - 5 sessions and review how you’re finding treatment regularly. 

Right therapy, wrong therapist

Selecting the right modality gives overwhelming options - never mind the therapist delivering it! Research shows that the relationship between client and therapist is a huge part of you getting what you want from therapy. We are all humans before we are anything else.  So, just within one therapy modality, there are so many options with therapists. How does someone choose the right therapist when here are so many to choose from. In addition, there may be other things you’re thinking about. What qualities do you even look for and how do you know the therapist has them from their profile? What’s their vibe? What sense do you have of them? Do they have a face you can talk to?  You may also have fears about how to understand the boundaries and ethics of the therapist, given the horror stories you may have heard, or stories in the news about therapists abusing clients.

Good therapists are registered with an accrediting body, in the UK overseen by the Professional Standards Authority, which means they have accountability and stick to an ethical code, which you’ll be able to find details of with their professional body. More importantly, good therapists will not violate physical or personal boundaries - it’s important that you feel safe and comfortable with the therapist you work with, or how else will you open up? Aside from safety, there should also be a good working relationship - for example, you may not get on with every nurse that you encounter, but there is a spirit of respect and professionalism that allows you to feel ok-enough for treatment, that they can do their job and you understand why they’re doing the things that they’re doing, as well as not feeling pressured or like you’ve not had time to think about what it is that is happening.  It's similar with therapists. To help with this huge decision, most therapists offer a short introductory session where you can meet and get an important sense of the therapist and their style of helping you. 

Options

I’m certainly not saying everyone needs therapy, because I don’t agree with that sentiment either. Therapy only works when the person is willing to admit there is a problem and wants help for it, or is curious enough to attend a session. The majority of people seek therapy when the problem, or ways to cope with the problem, have developed into a colossal monster - which is understandable: you use all your resources dealing with the problem, and come to therapy when you’re out of resources. Therapy gives you space to figure out other options, or gives you some options. Not all people have the same level of willingness to be vulnerable - for most, the thought of sitting in front of a stranger spilling your innermost can be terrifying.  However, if you’re ready to focus on your mental health, with the right person, who has the mix of the qualities you are looking for, as well as the right training, that doesn’t have to be quite so scary. 

I know I am biased, but I think one of the good things about therapy is that there are loads of really good options to suit everyone’s needs. I sometimes think it’s like a good buffet - fill your plate with what you like (i.e. the therapy that works for you), try a little of what you’ve not tried before, see if you like it, and forget the rest. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to try it to know you don’t like it, however it doesn’t mean it’s the only option you have. The bad thing is that trying a different therapy or finding a new therapist can be overwhelming, or frustrating when you’re already feeling pretty bad and trying to figure out what to do to help yourself. Or, you’ve already had a bad experience and that has put you off. This view of mine is reflected in my training and approach.  I have chosen to train in a range of evidence based therapies that I’ve witnessed can really help deal with problems, and of course I understand it takes time to build a working relationship.  Generally, it is a good idea to see therapists who can give you some options and give you time to build trust. 

Why I believe in therapy

Therapy has advanced significantly in the last 60, or so, years. I say this because I’ve seen videos of World War 1 veterans clearly struggling with PTSD, and it breaks my heart watching, knowing what we know now about treating trauma and how their lives could have been different if we only knew then what we know now.  I feel the same when I hear about people who have either had a really bad experience with therapy, are facing very long waiting lists, or people outright refuse to consider treatment, when therapy may really help reduce the extent of their suffering. My point is only that if someone is experiencing a mental health problem, therapy can be big part of helping things change fairly quickly. 

When working with people in therapy, I’ve seen these changes happen myself, big or small, - in as little as 10 sessions (that’s 10 weeks), I’ve seen many people go from being stuck in a mental health problem, feeling like they’re in a hole with no way out, to living their life again with a new enthusiasm. The combination of the right person, right modality and a willingness to give therapy a chance can be life changing. 

So, finding the right person to help you is really important. I offer a free 20 minute consultation for you to find if I’m the right person for you.